Forgive (& Forget?)

Imagine if someone you trusted, someone you considered a very close friend really hurt you, but it was unintentional. Would you forgive them if they asked for your forgiveness? How about someone you trusted, someone you considered a very close friend really hurt you, but it was intentional. Would you still forgive them if they didn't feel sorry for it? I think we all know the answer to that question, but in reality, would you be so quick to forgive?

What is forgiveness?

Dictionary.com says, "to grant pardon to". Multiple books have given a definition of forgiveness. Joshua Harris (Author of Boy Meets Girl) describes forgiveness to be this, "Forgiveness is a promise you make to the other person that you will not use the past against them." William P Young (Author of The Shack) describes forgiveness to be this, "When you forgive someone, you release your grip around their throat."

What makes us "not" want to forgive others? How can we be at peace in our own hearts, especially to those who really hurt us? No matter what the situation, intentional or unintentional, it is still hard to forgive, because you have been hurt. You start to ask ourselves, "Why did they do this? What did I do wrong?" You feel like you have been treated unjustly and in some occasions, thoughts about making them suffer the same pain you suffered. You know what though? That's natural. Our natural human tendencies are to be angry and bitter with the person/people who have hurt us.

I personally think that the emotions anger and bitterness play a huge factor in forgiveness. When we're actually angry or bitter towards someone, it takes our focus away from God and makes us ineffective. I think this is why in response to Peter's question when he asked Jesus how many times to forgive someone, Jesus responds, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:22). Also the fact that, "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions." (Mark 11:26) Isn't that incentive enough to forgive?

Lets approach this from a different perspective. Is it worth your time and energy to stay mad at this person and not forgive them? Can't you use that energy to doing something more productive?

Ok, so lets say you have forgiven the person, but there is still something knawing in your heart. When you see or hear the person again, your heart tightens up and your all of a sudden in a bad mood. What is this feeling? You've forgiven them right? So what is it then? I think this is the "forget" part of "Forgive and Forget". Are we suppose to be happy with them and completely trust them again? There is no right answer to that, it is all dependent on the individual. There may be some smaller things that are easy to forget while other larger things that ring loud and clear after you forgive them.

It all comes down to trust. When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you can really trust them again. If they have REALLY hurt you or betrayed you, then trust would be a hard thing to give the other person. Think about one of the definitions "you release your grip around their throat." It doesn't say you can trust the person right away again. I think all of you can agree with me that trust is a very delicate thing. It can take a lifetime to build but only take seconds to destroy. Don't expect after you have forgiven someone that you can trust them fully again, especially if it is big issue. Trust takes time to build/rebuild and you have to be patient. Especially if you are the one breaking that trust.

Remember, you are human after all. Only by God's strength is where you can find the strength to love them unconditionally again and to rebuild that trust.

This is my lover, this is my friend (Song of Songs 5:16)

I was sitting on the plane after a 5 week long working trip from a small town of Fort Nelson, BC. The weather was not the average BC weather, in fact, it was colder and drier than Saskatchewan weather but not as windy. I just finished reading the bible up in Fort Nelson and decided to read some random passages on the plane. It was a small 15 passenger plane and I had 2 seats to myself so I placed my bible down beside me after I finished reading to take a nap.

After about 5 minutes, of just thinking and staring out the window into the cloudy sky contemplating where my Engineering life is going to take me, I man walks up to me. He looks at me, I look at him and he says, "Do you mind if I sit down?" I was kinda bored and it would be been nice to have a good conversation, so I moved my Bible and let him sit beside me. To my surprise, his first comment was, "So you read the Bible huh?" I was shocked, I answered him saying that I finished reading the Bible just a couple of weeks prior. He was listening so much to what I had to say and he then asked another question, "Are you a Christian?" I answered him, "Yes." He then proceeded to asking me, "What did you learn the most from reading the Bible?" Now I went on explaining to him that I realized that a good portion of my friends are non-Christians and that it would be my greatest joy to see them all come to Christ. So that I can see them all again in paradise.

We then discussed multiple things that I cannot remember to well however, these next things he said will always stick with me. He asked if he could burrow my Bible to show me a verse. He opened the Bible to Song of Songs 5:16 and emphasized the phrase, "This is my lover, this is my friend." I don't remember him explaining it to me but he said these exact words, "This will be your life verse." So now here I am speechless and thinking, this guy is crazy!! What does this verse have anything to do with me? What does it mean? How can it be my life verse? While all of these questions were going through my mind, he then said to me, "I can see you being a missionary." So now after this, I was getting really scared. I never once mentioned that I had an interest in missions or my intentions in going to Urbana 06. How could this man have known all this and what compelled him to approach me to say all these things to me?

That day changed my life forever, the verse echoed in my mind day after day. I tell everyone about this story, and ask them if they knew what this verse meant. No one could tell me. After awhile, I gave up trying to understand it and it slipped through my mind. Every once in awhile, I will tell this story to some of my friends and bring up the verse but I never tried to understand it.

Until this summer. This summer has been a very difficult one for me and it was to the point where I did not know where my passions or goals lied. I was broken, I felt alone, and I felt so lost. My job took me away three nights a week which really made it hard to keep relationships with my friends. I cried, I had my heart broken, my foundations were torn down, I quit Judo, I'm not using facebook anymore, etc. This was all in the course of 4 months. If it were not for the wonderful invention of phone cards and my friends receiving my calls and listening to all my complaining, I really don't know what would have happened to me.

There was a point in this summer where I just couldn't take it anymore. After another argument with my mom, she said to me, "Maybe it's because of your negative attitude that is affecting your friendship." I was mad at her saying that to me because she still doesn't try to understand me, however, those words rung loud in my mind. I then realized, that that was one of the contributing factors of my unhappiness. Right then and there, I sat down, opened my journal and wrote all the wonderful things that have happened from these events. After seeing all these wonderful things, I decided to stop complaining about all the tough times I've been going through, but talk about all the things God has taught me this summer. How many people can say they have been transformed in a summer?

Here are a few of the many things I have learned.

I've realized what it really means to have God as your True Love. I am to the point where I don't have anything left of my heart to give to anyone and whatever I have left is now God's. If He wants to share it with anyone, He can choose to do so. The choice is no longer mine.

I now realized that God is not joking when He says, "I will NOT settle for second best." Now keep this in mind people, if you have something that is first before God... He WILL take it away. Come talk to me if you don't believe me.

God is my best friend.

I am on God's timing, not mine.

Now if you remember the story I just wrote about earlier. "This is my lover, this is my friend." I think I now understand what this verse means. It has almost been 2 years but I realized that I am on God's timing and not on mine.

God is my True Love, God is my Best Friend.

That hole that was burned into my heart is now filled with the Love of God.

God Bless