Forgive (& Forget?)

Imagine if someone you trusted, someone you considered a very close friend really hurt you, but it was unintentional. Would you forgive them if they asked for your forgiveness? How about someone you trusted, someone you considered a very close friend really hurt you, but it was intentional. Would you still forgive them if they didn't feel sorry for it? I think we all know the answer to that question, but in reality, would you be so quick to forgive?

What is forgiveness?

Dictionary.com says, "to grant pardon to". Multiple books have given a definition of forgiveness. Joshua Harris (Author of Boy Meets Girl) describes forgiveness to be this, "Forgiveness is a promise you make to the other person that you will not use the past against them." William P Young (Author of The Shack) describes forgiveness to be this, "When you forgive someone, you release your grip around their throat."

What makes us "not" want to forgive others? How can we be at peace in our own hearts, especially to those who really hurt us? No matter what the situation, intentional or unintentional, it is still hard to forgive, because you have been hurt. You start to ask ourselves, "Why did they do this? What did I do wrong?" You feel like you have been treated unjustly and in some occasions, thoughts about making them suffer the same pain you suffered. You know what though? That's natural. Our natural human tendencies are to be angry and bitter with the person/people who have hurt us.

I personally think that the emotions anger and bitterness play a huge factor in forgiveness. When we're actually angry or bitter towards someone, it takes our focus away from God and makes us ineffective. I think this is why in response to Peter's question when he asked Jesus how many times to forgive someone, Jesus responds, "I tell you, not seven times, but seventy-seven times." (Matthew 18:22). Also the fact that, "But if you do not forgive, neither will your Father in heaven forgive your transgressions." (Mark 11:26) Isn't that incentive enough to forgive?

Lets approach this from a different perspective. Is it worth your time and energy to stay mad at this person and not forgive them? Can't you use that energy to doing something more productive?

Ok, so lets say you have forgiven the person, but there is still something knawing in your heart. When you see or hear the person again, your heart tightens up and your all of a sudden in a bad mood. What is this feeling? You've forgiven them right? So what is it then? I think this is the "forget" part of "Forgive and Forget". Are we suppose to be happy with them and completely trust them again? There is no right answer to that, it is all dependent on the individual. There may be some smaller things that are easy to forget while other larger things that ring loud and clear after you forgive them.

It all comes down to trust. When you forgive someone, it doesn't mean you can really trust them again. If they have REALLY hurt you or betrayed you, then trust would be a hard thing to give the other person. Think about one of the definitions "you release your grip around their throat." It doesn't say you can trust the person right away again. I think all of you can agree with me that trust is a very delicate thing. It can take a lifetime to build but only take seconds to destroy. Don't expect after you have forgiven someone that you can trust them fully again, especially if it is big issue. Trust takes time to build/rebuild and you have to be patient. Especially if you are the one breaking that trust.

Remember, you are human after all. Only by God's strength is where you can find the strength to love them unconditionally again and to rebuild that trust.