Lost Passion

What does it feel like when you are passionate about something? You feel motivated, driven, you love every aspect of it, you never get tired of it, in some ways you can be an expert in it, etc. Whenever you get the chance to do something relating to this passion, you feel at home and it is your time away from the stresses of reality. Does being passionate for something somewhat feel like that for you?

Well, that's the best way I could explain my passions. My passions included IVCF in ministering to university students/young adults and Judo through coaching and teaching important live values to the kids (and adults). Eventually, another passion was with my Environmental Engineering degree in wanting to fight against the water crisis overseas. These three things were the things that were driving me the most throughout most of my life. Judo being my biggest passion.

However, what happens when God is calling you somewhere else that is not your passion, or what if he takes away your passion? How does that feel? You have no motivation, you feel empty, lost, stressed, your not driven to move forward, in some cases your never happy, sometimes you feel left out and unloved, the list can go on. In this situation, how do you find that passion again? How do you know what your passion is anymore? Especially if it was God who removed your passion. How do you know when God is calling you towards something when you don't feel passionate about anything anymore?

These are all questions I have been asking myself lately. If some of you have been following some of my previous posts, my greatest passion is no more. That's right, Judo is done for me. After 12 years of dedicating my life to it and 8 years of coaching, I finally responded to God, calling me to quit Judo. Also, since I am "officially" done classes and University, I'm not serving on IVCF anymore which was another HUGE passion of mine. Even my passion for fighting against the water crisis is on the rocks right now because of these other two. To be honest, I really don't want to be an Engineer.

These three things were my passions. Everyone knew me for these passions, Christian and Non-Christian, and they really admired me for them. However, since they aren't necessarily my passions anymore, it's as if a HUGE hole is left in my life. Not being able to work towards something. It's extremely hard to deal with. As I'm talking and chatting with my friends, I feel like I can't contribute to a conversation because I don't feel like I have a passion I could talk about much. I love hearing about all the things my friends are doing realted to their passions. I love seeing their eyes light up when they get to talk about what they love to do the most.

That feeling, that light in my eyes, is something that I feel I'm really missing right now. I try and find new passions by trying out children's ministries or taking ballroom dancing classes but, it's not the same... I guess it will never be the same so long as I keep comparing them to what I use to do. Is it wrong to want to hold onto some of these things?

As I write this, I look back and say to myself, "Where is God in my passions?" Shouldn't God have His own category? I should still be passionate for God even if it isn't in a ministry setting. So the next question is... How does one become passionate for God without a ministry role? I've only known how to be passionate for God within a ministry. Am I to go out and seek ministry opportunities or just wait? These things have been weighing pretty heavily on my heart ever since IVCF has finished for me.

So I don't have any outstanding scriptures to share or an awesome devotion to end things off. This time, I'm asking for your advice and input. If you have any scripture or thoughts about this, I would love to hear about it.

God Bless.